Punk Head: You describe soul and Motown as the place where your voice feels happiest. What can you do vocally in that world that you can't quite do anywhere else?
Tara Van: I have a big voice haha, and soul music lets me unleash it. In high school, there weren’t enough microphones to go around, so there were many times they didn’t give me one because they knew I could belt to the back of the auditorium; sadly, it also meant I didn’t get a lot of practice with a microphone in arts school. I was that kid in choir my whole youth whose conductor kept saying, “You sound great, but you need to drop the volume so you can blend with the other singers”. I guess I’ve never been very good at blending, but I have gotten better over the years at volume control!
Punk Head: “I’m A Vine” is about finding a way around obstacles rather than letting them stop you. What's something you've stopped trying to force your way through?
Tara Van: Ha well it’s hard to get to the age of 33 without having seen your share of obstacles! I would say my worst obstacle has always been myself however. I think I got pretty good at just pushing through stuff without actually actively problem solving. I think perseverance is one of my greatest strengths but it can also be one of my biggest weaknesses as I can stick with something that isn’t working or isn’t good for me for arguably too long. I was bullied really badly in school and I didn’t really talk about it or want to do anything about it. It went on for many years, much longer than it should have if I had actually stood up for myself. I had the same problem with relationships for a long time. I definitely saw giving up on things as some kind of weakness but there’s only so many times you can run yourself into a brick wall before you recognize that the mission is impossible and there has to be another way. I’m really trying not to just grin and bear it these days but to communicate and find ways around seeming impasses.
Punk Head: You've described yourself as adaptable, but also acknowledged that this can mean falling into other people's structures. How do you recognise the difference between being open-minded and losing your own direction?
Tara Van: That took a lot of practice. I think it is an especially difficult thing for women, as historically we have been expected and trained to abandon ourselves for our partners. Though we live in a different time, there are still many pressures and remnants of those structures. Often women tend to be more accommodating and sometimes even struggle to name what it is that they want because they are too busy caring about other people’s needs. Many woman that act in their own interest are immediately labelled as selfish as opposed to their male counterparts who are generally celebrated as driven and self-confident. I was definitely called selfish many times for acting in my own interests. I think the big thing is doing self-check-ins and being clear with yourself and then communicating with your loved ones when you are feeling off course or when something isn’t working. Songwriting has always been a big way that I have been able to process my own emotions. I think the act of writing something down in general is very helpful. Another thing is having a clear idea of the things you want; it can even be a list that you reference regularly for clarity's sake. Our wants can change but it’s important to spend some solo time and center yourself regularly.
Punk Head: Apartment Sea Sound was a recording studio, tattoo parlour and intimate performance venue all rolled into one. What did that space make possible that a conventional studio might not?
Tara Van: It was very intimate and cozy. Every event there felt like a small house party with strangers and it was wonderful. I think that homeyness without it actually being a place that someone lived in made it feel like a collective house. That comfort level is remarkable for creativity. There was an openness and freedom of expression there that was unparalleled to anything else I have experienced to date.
Punk Head: You've described learning to lean on other people as an important part of your growth, and your new song is about finding your own way forward. Has becoming more comfortable asking for help actually made you feel more independent?
Tara Van: Oh it most certainly has. I think my idea of independence before was not needing anyone, which often looked like burnout and UberEats two-for-one Thai food. Leaning on other people has actually allowed me to accomplish more and certainly has made me a healthier person. My biggest fear was being a burden to anyone, which meant I never asked for help, which also meant I rarely let myself be fully vulnerable. You can’t become properly close to people if you don’t allow yourself to be fully vulnerable. People want to feel needed and important to you. Independent doesn’t mean being alone; it means you are capable of working things out on your own. But just because you are capable doesn’t mean that it’s necessary; often it isn’t.
