Fickle Hill On the Making Of ‘Future in The Mirror’
How does 'Future in The Mirror' reflect your musical journey and growth as an artist?
FITM (‘Future in the Mirror’) was the first album I made that wasn’t just a raw emotional reaction to my life or a way to showcase my musical influences. On this album, I was able to move beyond my backlog of “the things I need to make” and into a space of “what can I create?” I felt less self-conscious about the content and more confident in not caring about how my music would be judged. It was the moment I decided to create without boundaries and to be open to whatever style or story I wanted to tell. I dove into tales like Diana, Hunter of Bus Drivers, and Christopher Dorner. I shifted from the selfish personal expression of my earlier work to a more accessible emotional experience for the listener.
Was there any challenge that you encountered while making this album?
My earlier work was a bit more reserved. I hid behind the music and tried to perform rather than truly express myself. I was limited by my resources. I couldn’t go to a professional recording studio; I only had one guitar and one bass. Computers couldn’t hold more than six gigabytes on the hard drive. Four-track tapes sounded terrible. I would have never attempted complex metal drumming before because I had no triggers on my kick, and I lacked a compressor in the mix. If I didn’t hit the drum the same way every time, the punch was lost. Now I am older, and it costs me nothing to create. Now I look at what I want to say, and instead of feeling like I have to stand on a soapbox and shout, I feel like I need to be understood. I want to connect through my art and maybe even help someone else feel less alone. When I was younger, I was always alone and a bit bitter about it. Now I often feel like I am by myself, and I want to share that in a way that might make others feel less alone in their loneliness, financial struggles, anger, frustration, or trauma. But this leaves me with an embarrassment of riches and too many choices. With so many options, it is challenging to focus and create a cohesive vision for the album instead of an unfocused collection of songs.
Can you describe the emotions or feelings you hope 'Future in The Mirror' evokes in listeners?
I am a passionate person with intense feelings. I express myself strongly, often in fierce ways. This is one of the most common pieces of feedback I get in my personal life. The issue is that I am a sensitive soul inside. I don’t realize how much that sensitivity manifests as anger or a generally intense demeanor. I write about Diana because I envy her. I wish I had the courage and righteousness to take revenge on evil men. I write about the wildfires because it enrages me to live in a year-round threat of fires, yet people seem to ignore their impact on the world. I have strong feelings about these issues, and my art is how I channel those feelings in a way that I hope can draw others into that fierce emotion rather than push them away.
Was there a pivotal moment in your life when you decided to follow your path as a musician?
There was never a single moment when I decided to pursue a music career. Music has always been a part of me. I have always made music, and I always will. My mind is constantly playing a soundtrack to my life, and I was lucky enough to convert that into a disciplined art form in grade school. I was considered a prodigy at an early age and received formal instruction in musical performance as well as music theory in tonal C and tonal A. Then, when I was 18, I took a job as a session drummer for a commercial, and it was the worst musical experience of my life. I decided then that music would never be a job. That I would never pursue music for money, and that if I made music, it was to be heard and to communicate with people. Ever since that day, I have been making and playing music. I touch an instrument almost every day of my life, often just for myself. I chose the path as a musician because it is my most proficient means of communication and one that is in my DNA.
How do you stay inspired and motivated to continue pushing boundaries in your art?
Life is tough, and I carry a lot of emotions and trauma. Just like food, these feelings need to be expressed. I find myself constantly thinking, and those thoughts often transform into lyrics. Music plays in my head every moment I’m awake. I believe that musical boundaries are arbitrary; we create them ourselves. Music isn't something tangible like a rock or a star, and when humanity is gone, it won’t endure beyond us. Therefore, I refuse to compromise or conform to the rules of this pretend game. I’m not in it for the money; my goal is to communicate and connect with others. I want people to feel that they’re not alone in their loneliness, and I believe there are no rules for that connection.
