The Beautiful Darkness Turns Vulnerability Into Strength on “My Body: My Choice”
Punk Head: This is your first entirely solo recording. Did that feel liberating, terrifying, or both?
The Beautiful Darkness: Absolutely both! It probably weighs more towards liberating because having freedom to speak - or sing - and have freedom to use my voice has been something that I’ve struggled with for a long time. So standing there in front of a mic, just me and my guitar, and recording something that I wrote, basically, in a free-flow form as it came to me is probably about the most authentic I can be. I felt so much vulnerability in that.
Punk Head: You describe this recording as "warts and all." Was there ever a temptation to tidy it up?
The Beautiful Darkness: Sure. But realistically, I know where I’m at and who I am, and I play as I play, I sound as I sound, and I say what I say. So the delivery is so true to the organic expression that I have when I play this live. So I say “warts and all” as this is how I showed up and played in that moment and it’s completely authentic in that respect.
Punk Head: What did recording alone teach you about your own voice?
The Beautiful Darkness: That’s an interesting question. I think it’s about delivery and confidence to deliver a message, for me, and that is in the song being… ‘My Body: My Choice’. It taught me to be able to be strong and follow my passion and say what it is I want to say and deliver what I’m holding. I want to be able to model an honesty and level of truth that, actually, I hope can be empowering to others - so that we, women, can dig our heels in and know that these things are true and it’s not wrong and it’s not unreasonable and I hope that that can model something good. I feel like I learnt that I can do that.
Punk Head: Why was it important that listeners hear the song exactly as it arrived?
The Beautiful Darkness: I think this is about a level of truth. Because this is very much me unfiltered and raw. I wrote this in a free-flow form and it was what was true in my heart, and how I was feeling given the state of the world… where the idea of women’s rights even being discussed, or considered, as being taken away is just absurd - I never imagined I would live through a time when any of this was under question and yet it looks to me like the world is going backwards in this respect. And this is how I feel about it. And I hope that other people feel strongly about it as well because none of it is ok. I think it’s really important for us to stand up, stand together, and use our voices for good where this is concerned because women’s rights are human rights and these things matter. I hope that the song coming through in this way is more powerful because it’s so organic. We could have taken it through a whole production process but I very intentionally didn’t want to do that because I want to be really clear on the standing and the message, like I’m standing on the picket line and protesting.
Punk Head: Has your definition of strength changed since you started making music as The Beautiful Darkness?
The Beautiful Darkness: This gives me pause for thought. Yes, I suppose it has. Because to start off with so much was about using my voice at all. And then it was about naming things and calling out truth. And this comes through music, for me. Sometimes I can find it hard to talk about or have a conversation about but I can write a song about it. In my history there was a point where I could barely speak at all, so I’ve had a whole recovery journey around this. So it has evolved from where I started. It was a new level of bravery really, going into the studio on my own, and I did a few tracks, but this track in particular because it’s so raw and there’s a vulnerability in that and, I feel, a powerful truth, so I think my strength is in finding the bravery, speaking my truth. And it also is evolving beyond that; to name bigger things culturally speaking in some of my other songs that I’ve recorded since this one. Being able to stand up for myself was a real strength to begin with and now I feel better able to stand with others, so it feels a bit more like the strength now has a greater reach for me, through music.
Punk Head: If someone discovers The Beautiful Darkness through this song alone, what do you hope they understand about you that goes beyond the headlines or the politics?
The Beautiful Darkness: Great question. I’m human. I believe in humanity. And all that that entails. I believe that we’re all interconnected and that that connection can be a beautiful thing. I believe in inclusion. I believe in love and for that to stand we need to have strong and solid boundaries to be able to then bring in some softness. I believe these things begin on an individual level and then, like a ripple on a pond, I think once we can make these things true for ourselves then I believe that that can then extend outwards into the world more broadly… so I hope that through the music that I can deliver that. Fundamentally, in the way that I believe in humanity, I am a person, and I do what I can with what I’ve got. And that’s me every day. A lot about finding truth for me is shining a light on the darkness, and I think that can be really empowering to do… so that is something that I try to bring in for myself first and foremost - and that then also comes through my music because it’s something that I fundamentally believe in, and something that I seek to intentionally embody.
